Why My Divorce Was The Best Thing That’s Ever Happened To MeOn June 22, 2017 by Samantha Jean
Three years ago, I had just become a newlywed. I was 22, living off the high of wedding planning and feeling like I was on top of the world. It was as if all the stars were aligned – I had just landed my dream job, we had a cozy little home, started a family with two playful puppies, and best of all –I thought I was going to have the privilege of navigating all of this crazy perfection with my best friend.
Fast-forward three years. I’m 25. I’m still on my dream career path, on to my second house, and still catering to my crazy pups.
I’m also no longer married.
In fact, the only things I “navigated” with my ex-spouse were three years of my own personal growth, a very unfulfilling relationship, and a grueling divorce. And when I say grueling, I’m sugar-coating it. I wouldn’t wish what I experienced on my worst enemy. There were so many tears, frustrations, mistakes, challenges, and regrets that there were far, far more days than not where I couldn’t even imagine a light at the end of the tunnel. The process itself stole 365 days of my life that I will never get back.
But I realized that in each horrible moment where I wished I had never said “I do”, that even though the last three years of my life were comparable to a long, horrifically turbulent plane ride (I hate flying, by the way), I was meant to be here. There was always one thing that made my dreadful, stupid, outrageous divorce worth the agony–
Oh, my wonderful, sweet, beautiful, innocent little wonder. Kids just make everything worth it. And it wasn’t just worth it because she came into my life and gave me the opportunity to know a love like nothing I had ever felt before. It was because when she did, she also made me into something more.
She made me a mother.
In my experience, it really is one of those things that you may not truly understand until you actually have kids. When I was young, I never wanted kids. Ever. I had a hard enough time dealing with myself growing up that it was never something I wanted to take care of – a little human being. Everyone knew this—I made it clear to family, friends, and whomever I dated. I specifically remember when I was 18, I got my first tattoo on my hip (hoorah rebellious decisions!) and the lady helping me book my appointment nearly turned me down, letting me know about seven times, “when you get pregnant, that will stretch.” And I remember saying to her “Naahh, I am never having kids! Don’t worry!” First moral of that story – don’t listen to an 18 year old. Second moral – never underestimate the miracle and love that is being a mother, because it will absolutely and completely change your life.
Although it wasn’t perfect, being in a relationship that would one day end and going through an emotionally exhausting divorce process was—and forever will be—worth it. It gave me my daughter. My reason for being. And the realization that I absolutely love being a mom! I went from never wanting kids to hoping for a large family one day. And if my daughter had not been born when she was, I could have spent years losing out on the amazing blessing of being a mom. I could have made it to 30 or 40, never realizing how much I wanted kids, and missed out on the opportunity of having a family.
Our future didn’t turn out exactly how I hoped it would be when she was born, and we are left navigating a less than ideal custody situation (thank you, legal system), but she and I are still a family. A wonderful little family that I will cherish and love and grow. And even though the road to get here was extremely bumpy, if I hadn’t gone through it all, I wouldn’t have had her. That is why my divorce is the best thing that has ever happened to me.